I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize