my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
