Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
