Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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