Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
