you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
