did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
