Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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