I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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