did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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