its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
