My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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