Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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