Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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