this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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