thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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