dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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