I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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