i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
