I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
