D3 body, D1 cock
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
