yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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