What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
