FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
