do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
