When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
