Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
