Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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