Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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