I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Bring me that man meat
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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