He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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