All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
