yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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