yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
