Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
