It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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