I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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