Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You dont lie about slip and slides
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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