it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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