I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
