drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
