airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
