I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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