I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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