I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
