just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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