Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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