I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
