It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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