You're so nebulous sometimes
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Randomize
