I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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