barbara walters just said penis...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
