i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
