im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
