I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
