Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
