A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
