you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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